Let’s talk about web browsers

The World Wide Web

Readable version of image: http://i.imgur.com/v0b2fkA.png

tl;dr Firefox is the only acceptable web browser.

This illustration is DEPRECATED!!1

And also, fuck the asshole who originally made it for not labeling any of the browsers. Still, I appreciate the humor of the tier categories, even though I don’t agree with most of the browser placements.

Standard Firefox should be all alone in the God Tier. Regarding the other browsers that the OP put in this tier, I say there is no godliness in being a guinea pig. I dunno why anyone would waste time upgrading their browser to the latest releases everyday and then dealing with all the broken untested shit that comes with that on a daily basis.

My Excellent Tier: Chromium and Pale Moon.

You should check out Pale Moon if you haven’t yet. It’s like a stripped-down version of classic Firefox, but they’re always coming out with unique new features of their own. A lot of Firefox add-ons will work in Pale Moon as well. It is also fun to make fun of the main boss of Pale Moon because he is a creepy autistic furry who has no patience for anyone who is not a high-functioning aspie-man like he is. He and his fellow yiffers make a good alternative browser. I highly recommend Pale Moon to every web browser enthusiast.

I use Chromium when a situation calls for Chrome, because there’s no way in hell I’m using Chrome. Chromium’s OK, but it’s a confusing pain in the ass just to install it, and most people can’t be bothered with that kind of bullshit so they just use Chrome. Chromium and Firefox are the only real choices here if you don’t feel like screwing around with an obscure browser and spyware. But then I wonder why’re you’re on this page if you’re not into obscure web browsers. Anyway, Chromium is basically just Chrome without all the Google spyware that Chrome has.

Both Comodo browsers are shit. Comodo is a spyware company. They’ve been caught doing shady shit before, but for some reason, the official stance of the gentoomen community is favorable toward Comodo’s browsers and other Comodo software. But I will tell you straight-up that all Comodo products are Botnet Tier, and you shouldn’t use any of them. Comodo Dragon is just Comodo’s slightly-tweaked version of Chromium, and Comodo IceDragon is just Comodo’s slightly-tweaked version of Firefox. Nobody except people who work for Comodo use either of the Comodo browsers. Fuck Comodo.

To me, the Placebo Autism Tier means “OK, but weird.”

SeaMonkey should be in the Placebo Autism Tier. There is no universe in which SeaMonkey is on an equal footing with Firefox. SeaMonkey is the deformed lovechild that Firefox unknowingly fathered in college during a wild weekend with Netscape that it barely remembers. Then years later this homunculus that kind of looks like Firefox shows up at Firefox’s door and says, “Hurro, daddy!” And Firefox is a standup dude so he takes this little deformed thing in, but in no way is SeaMonkey equal to Firefox. SeaMonkey is a cute little retarded version of Firefox. It’s basic and old-school looking, and doesn’t have a lot of complicated bells and whistles. I recommend SeaMonkey for old people who are not even aware that there are different types of web browsers.

The deal with Waterfox is that it’s an unofficial 64-bit version of Firefox, so it supposedly runs faster than your standard 32-bit Firefox. But whatever. The speed difference is so miniscule that nobody would ever notice. Nobody cares about Waterfox except Waterfox. Waterfox sucks. It tells Windows that it’s the real Firefox now, so you can’t run Firefox and Waterfox at the same time without mad h@x.

I would also place Opera in the Placebo Autism Tier. That little shit is never gonna make the big leagues, but he just never gives up. Opera is basically the Rudy of web browsers.

Now we’re at Shit Tier and below. These are browsers that are shit because they just suck real bad, or because they spy on you.

What’s even left to be said about Internet Explorer? Not much, since Microsoft is pulling the plug and coming out with a new browser for Windows 10 called Spartan. I’m sure Spartan will just be Internet Explorer wearing a Groucho Marx mask though. And it’ll be OK. It’s been a lot of fun to mock Internet Explorer over the years, but most of the jokes about IE are obsolete. Yes, IE was a shitty and insecure browser lacking in basic features for a long time, but nowadays it’s pretty decent. But there’s still no reason to use IE when Firefox and Chromium exist. So long, Internet Explorer.

Safari is shit because everything Apple-related is shit. If you like Apple products, you’re retarded. There’s no reason to even talk to you.

I don’t know what Midori is.

Spyware aside, Chrome is a fucking RAM whore. And Google viciously clamps down on any fun extensions in the Chrome store. Firefox has all sorts of add-ons to let you totally fuck shit up all over the web in ways that developers never intended, and that’s great. But Google doesn’t want to upset any of their corporate partners, so they ruthlessly cull any extensions that could conceivably be used to violate company policy. Fuck Chrome.

I dunno Rockmelt.

I briefly used Dolphin in like 2010 when I got my first Android phone. I don’t know why it’s even listed here since it’s the lone mobile-only browser. Anyway, during the brief time I used Dolphin, I thought it was pretty neat. These days I mostly use Firefox on Android devices.

I also briefly gave Maxthon a spin a couple months ago. It seemed pretty good. But I’m not gonna use something that’s basically just a cover for spyware unless it’s for experimental purposes.

I don’t know Lunascape.

I briefly tried Sleipnir. It’s some weirdo Japanese browser that some Japanese guy has been fiddling with as a hobby since college. It’s been around for years but still has basic translation errors in its main menu options. Sleipnir is weird and gay.

I don’t know any of the browsers in the Total Fucking Scam Tier.

And finally, the browsers in the Lonely Manchild Tier are text-only browsers. They serve absolutely no purpose to anyone except people with bad eyes and/or amazing Linux beards. Still, they can be fun to fool around with once in awhile if you’re feeling nostalgic and want to remember what the world was like before jpgs were invented.